when youre at the top, theres only one way to go from there...

Ang buhay ay parang gulong, minsang nasa ibabaw, minsang nasa ilalim.

"Life is like a wheel; sometimes you are on top, sometimes you are in the bottom"


sure its been a while since i got this blog
and its been a while since ive updated it with a meaningful post.
but its also been a while since ive had time to marinade in my own thoughts.

the past five months or so have been pretty damn amazing, it reminds me of what it is like to be truly happy, you know, to feel that you have everything you need in life. every day goes as smoothly as you wish every other day would go. i mean its like they say, lifes a journey, and there are bumps in the path.

march was never really a good month for me, historically it blew, huge dirty chunks of shit. my birthday never really seemed as big of a deal as some other peoples birthdays. much to the fact that ive more or less submitted to the fact taht i just dont care. what is a birthday after all? the day you were born. yay. i mean, in retrospect birthdays were awesome when younger, but as you grow up it seems to not matter at all, but then theres a point in life where it matters alot. like once you've hit 80 or something, i think at that point people just start thinking of it as a game. like, oh see how long that old guy can last, my bets on ten years etc. etc. its a competition to see who can live the longest lol.

but getting back to my point, what would make this year any different from nothing, well certainly different from last year when i was out of the country for my birthday (and damn do i want to go back). of course i had my wonderful girlfriend here to celebrate it with me, but really aside from that my birthday was no different from the past two. there were a few surprises, one of my friends from highschool actually called me to wish me happy birthday, and aside from family members, and the people i saw, he was the only one to wish me a happy birthday not through facebook. of course i know i sound bitter, and i am i guess, but hey, no one reads this so why dont i just rant right?

but this all leads me to think, how can one month of a year, be continually shitty. for the past few years ive noticed that march was never a good month. specific examples of it? no dont really have any. i know that march is:
1. the awkward transition month between winter and spring
2. the near beginning of allergy season (which i am a victim of)
3. SAT test month in high school
4. my birthday (really pretty bad)
5. MIDTERMS (college)

of course there are more than 5 reasons why i think march is a horrible month, but 5 should be sufficient for my own reflective purpsoes.

but getting to the rather depressing title. its more of an ironic spin on the other saying that is the exact opposite:
theres only one way to go when you've hit shit bottom

never heard of that? yeah neither have i, i think i jsut pulled that out of my ass too.

and you know, come to think of it, five months of happiness is a pretty damn long time, sure there were a few scares here and there, but you cant always be happy, if that were the case the world would suck, what would we be as people except snobby bitches?

in junior year of highschool (and probably sophomore and senior year) i held the belief that the quality of life travels in waves. you know its like a sine / cosine function (lol funny story, i wrote a mock college essay about my life as a math equation and i used a varible sin function lolol). life has its ups and downs, it never gets better than the best or worse than the worst and even when it does peak, it manages to turn itself around. the amount of time we spend having "bad times" is not always equal to the amount of time we have "good times" but the function always seems to know how to switch out on us. long story short, we have good times and bad times but then good times again. or if youre a pessimist, you have bad times good times but it will always find its way back to the bad times. and in realtion to economics, the bottom 25% of the popluation, the people living in poverty eventually find their way out of poverty, once youre in poverty doesnt mean you ahve to stay that way, of course there are the examples which you hear everyday, the ones that are skewed by the media or other people, the people that are lodged in poverty and ofcourse yes there are people like that, and i feel bad for them, but the majority of people in poverty will eventually find their way out of poverty in a few years something like 10 years (i dont knowl, macro econ sucked).

and again back to me. in relation to the whole rant above, i feel that for my time spent being happy, there has got to be something that equalizes me in the scheme of the universe. sure maybe i wont be unhappy for 5 months, but i could be extremely unhappy for a short period of a day or two or a week. but sometimes its good. (and here enters the whiny self reflection that i need to get out). i tend to lose track of reality, and by having my rough patches i am once again grounded back into the world. that life isnt just all happy happy joy joy. the last time ive written one of these rants was way back in highschool haha...
and honestly i dont think much has changed aside from the fact that this isnt as angsty as that was. but in terms of commonality, problems that i know i need to work on and have been trying to work on:

1. i'm stubborn
2. i have a tendency to overreact
3. i get defensive really easily ( condioned that way by enviroment)
4. i tend to beat my self up alot
5. not as caring as i hoped i would be
6. i get irrational
7. horrible time managment paired with maximum course load
8. i get walked over

all in all though, there is no way to justify how any of those are ok. but one must realize, that it is hard to change the way one is so quickly. many of my problems seem to orbit those eight issues i have with myself. thus : i am the source of all my problems looooooooooooooooooooooooooooool


incase:
tl;dr: march sucked, i'm a problematic person.

but, please realize that i realize that there will be an upswing, no matter what, just let me walk through my rut.


oh, and twitter me!!