1.31.10 Day 5

so in my younger years i used to get these crazy headaches every monday, conveniently around the time of ccd so i would often miss class or goto the office and just sleep there. now more often than not, these headaches would be caused by not getting enough sleep. ironically these days i dont get nearly enough sleep but seem to function fine. however for the past five days ive had this crazy headache that is just a tension headache... but for the past five days and nothing seems to make it any better. i wish i was back in those days when i could just take a tylenol and the headache would go away, this is just plain annoying. it hurts even to just lie down :( luckily i think its going away. hope for the best

1.30.10 Day 4

i've been revisiting the music i used to listen to, and it got me thinking about everything in the past. i used to have a saying that if you live in the past or the future you dont really live your life; you live memories. and everything just passes by you. my good friend tim used to do that but hes gotten better at living in the present.

but bringing that to me, i feel that im more or less doing that right now. part of me doesnt want to give up the past and i seem to be having a problem living in the present right now. maybe its just because getting out of a relationship is hard. its never easy, for no one.

but tim, tim is/was an interesting character back then. he always seemed to be obsessed over certain things and always glorifying whatever it was that he was obsessed about. the story goes like this: he once knew this person in hes younger years, but she moved away. day in and day out he would look for a person similar to this other person that had abruptly left his life. but no once could ever measure up. one day he got word this person re-appeared. and he spent the next two weeks searching for this person. eventually they met and caught up etc. but soon enough she was gone again. but he got peace of mind / closure. but this is a very rare case.
words can not describe how hard it is to function always wanting something in the past. when you do this whatever it is, is put on a pedestal, and you are never really able to live your full life. the only way to get around this is to: 1. get closure, 2. get over it.
both are hard to achieve, some days are easy some are hard. but one thing is for sure, carpe diem.

sorry that this, the other posts and future posts are hard to follow, but things always sound better in my head when i first think of them.

1.29.10 Day 3

today was cold as fuck. luckily i still was able to make it over to northampton to check out some stuff, got a sick deal on these photo sleeves that hold like 12-14 photos in clear plastic so you can hang it up and what not for 1 dollar each from urban outfitters!

anyways, in order to get to northampton, i had to take a bus. now me and modes of transportation is an interesting topic. i like going on adventures. i bike i drive i take busses i love airplanes. you get the point. now this all reminds me of the every single time that ive ridden one of the square busses (busses that go off campus from umass) i would usually take those to go to and from mt holyoke. and these rides were 40 minutes a piece on average. like i said before i love going on adventures. and the hundereds of rides that i took on these busses, i would always be excited always staring out the window even though it was either pitch black outside or ive seen the scenery 100s of times.

every ride was an adventure even though i knew what i was getting myself into. of course every single trip there was worth it. i think thats one thing that i will miss, riding the bus there. the whole area is a beautiful place, maybe a little scary, but amazing to watch from the comfort of a bus. transportation is like a down time, get to relax, reflect, do work, whatever! heres to the pvta

1.28.10 Day 2

so today it was snowing outside, and from what i heard it got pretty bad. now personally i like watching snow fall but i hate walking in it, like hate it alot. it reminds me of all the times back in high school when it would snow and i would hang around after school in the center or the library. and sometimes i wouldnt have any money to take the bus, it was too late to take the bus (the last bus was at 6pm) or i just didn't want to wait. and i would have to walk home. now the side walks back in lexington kinda sucked and werent always plowed too well causing me to have to walk in the street. and and as we all know the water goes to the side of the street creating a nice grey watery slush that i would have to trek through, and whats worse is cars passing by. always walking with the fear that im just going to get splashed by a passing car.

none of that was fun, and neither was walking in regular running shoes. the water would seep in and cause my socks to get all nasty and wet, the bottom of my jeans would get drenched. walking home was never a good experience. especially when i only had one pair of shoes and if they were still wet the next day, too bad i had to deal with it. but there is a point to this story: always take the bus.

1.27.10 Day 01

for some reason today was a rather dull day. nothing sparked my memory, was just moving from place to place not really thinking :-\ my bad. hopefully tomorrow will be better, given that i actually wake up for my classes

new direction

starting today, i will be doing a daily (hopefully) entry about something that happened today that triggered a memory and what exactly that memory was.

in essence its going to turn memoir like. the idea of a memoir seems to be a very natural way of writing for me. ever since creative writing in high school lol.