1.30.10 Day 4

i've been revisiting the music i used to listen to, and it got me thinking about everything in the past. i used to have a saying that if you live in the past or the future you dont really live your life; you live memories. and everything just passes by you. my good friend tim used to do that but hes gotten better at living in the present.

but bringing that to me, i feel that im more or less doing that right now. part of me doesnt want to give up the past and i seem to be having a problem living in the present right now. maybe its just because getting out of a relationship is hard. its never easy, for no one.

but tim, tim is/was an interesting character back then. he always seemed to be obsessed over certain things and always glorifying whatever it was that he was obsessed about. the story goes like this: he once knew this person in hes younger years, but she moved away. day in and day out he would look for a person similar to this other person that had abruptly left his life. but no once could ever measure up. one day he got word this person re-appeared. and he spent the next two weeks searching for this person. eventually they met and caught up etc. but soon enough she was gone again. but he got peace of mind / closure. but this is a very rare case.
words can not describe how hard it is to function always wanting something in the past. when you do this whatever it is, is put on a pedestal, and you are never really able to live your full life. the only way to get around this is to: 1. get closure, 2. get over it.
both are hard to achieve, some days are easy some are hard. but one thing is for sure, carpe diem.

sorry that this, the other posts and future posts are hard to follow, but things always sound better in my head when i first think of them.