2.28.10 Day 33

fate and free will, its something that ive given a lot of thought to in the past couple of years. How exactly I got to thinking about this im not really sure… I think its more of the question : are we in control of our own lives or is it completely out of our hands?

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Now I used to be a relatively religious kid (as religious as a ten year old can be). I would fear god, fear saying his name and scared shitless of going to hell haha. Over the years, and many nights wasted away praying, nothing really happened, bad things seem to be happening left and right, sickness, death, you know, the works. I mean if he was a loving god and all he would stop all that stuff right? Haha yes I know im missing the point of Christianity here, but that’s the way I thought back then. At that point I think had lost faith in the church but not in the idea of a God, i think a little spirituality is good, but too much is harmful.
At that point, I began thinking for myself, no longer was I living in the fear that god was going to smite me or destroy the world. I began taking things one day at a time. Sometime in school we began a discussion on fate vs free will, each student really only taking one side or the other. Me, personally, wouldn’t take either. The idea that a higher being had control over every single aspect of your life was scary to me. What is there to live for if youre just another cog in the machine? Believing only in fate causes people to be lethargic, just by saying that someone else is in control is a huge demotivator. ‘Don’t have a job? Its ok, im fated for something better’ isn’t that just funny?
On the other hand, having complete control over your life and actions seem like a huge perk, but sometimes things are just too coincidental to be only at the cause of free will. There are other forces at hand here, maybe not a god, but money, or political initiatives for example.
So where does that lead me? I believe in a combination of both. Which from an outside point of view doesn’t make too much sense, they’re two contradictory things, like being hot and cold at the same time, or being optimistic and pessimistic. Imagine it this way. Youre stuck on an island, and there are multiple paths off said island, and each path leads to another branch of paths, but in the distance you can see that all paths eventually lead to a broad island. And on the distant island is an infinite number of doors. How do you open the doors? Depending on which paths you take, different doors will open, and after the doors are more paths and more islands, all leading up one final island.
Basically what I think is that we can all choose which paths we take in life. And the islands represent major points in our life, where we go for college, people, marriage etc. important things that many people leave up to fate. And the final door? Death haha, isn’t that the path that we’re all on?