2.11.10 Day 16

the smell of freshly cut grass with a hint of gasoline.

the smell described above was an interesting one to get, especially in the middle of winter... it brings me back to those warm summer nights after i had often cut the grass. waiting out on the front steps leading to my house. waiting for my family to get ready and finally leave the house so we could all go out for ice cream. as a family. strangely, it brings me as far back as elementary school. this one time when we had just arrived back from the airport after spending two months in the philippines. one month with my mom and brothers, and one month with my dad and brothers. they would never be able to come overseas together, except maybe for a week. sometimes it would be just me and my three brothers for a whole week, without our parents (however under the watchful eye of our aunts and extended family of our mother's).
it brings me as close as this recent summer. man how i long for those days again. hours upon hours sitting around and doing nothing. it was good to have someone back then, and reflecting upon it only brings up sad feelings right now. i figure for what its worth, people are right, i am too hard on myself sometimes. and in no way is this meant to be a 'WOW look at me, i just made a huge realization' moment. i'm not special, i'm normal in my own head. for too long have i bothered to wonder what is normal. because at its most basic point, normal is nothing but ourselves.
but getting back to the memories. it seems almost every memory brought up seems to be connected to the evening or night time. and i always keep refering to myself as a nocturnal person. its a shame that these days i often spend my time holed up in my room. wasting my time away. its not the fact that i'm not doing anything, its more of the fact that im inside. last weekend, sunday night, me and a few friends drove into boston at 10 pm and didnt get back here till 4. that is what memories are made of. a series of night time encounters, usually a spur of the moment deal.